Tag Archives: coming out

Greetings from Cape Ann

Cape AnnI’m on vacation and I promised Donna and Gracie that I would not post or write while I am away (two or three weeks). However, a blogging friend, Mrs. Fever, invited me to write a guest post on her blog Temperature’s Rising, and I invite you to read the post (link is below) and also to hop around her blog.

Before you link, some of Mrs. Fever’s writing is NSFW! It is however, excellent and often hot. So be forewarned. My post is pure vanilla,  and discusses various aspects of my coming out stories. Plural.

The link is here. Happy reading, happy July. See you in a few weeks.

How Dare You Presume I’m…?


San Diego Gay Pride March, 1983

When I realized I was gay I came out with a vengeance. When I realized I was transgender I came out with a whimper.

I came out in my residence hall my first week at college. I came out to my mother and brother at the end of my freshman year. I came out to my co-workers on every job. I came out because I believe there is no point to being in the closet. Being gay is nothing to be ashamed of or to keep private. Being gay means being out.

I fit the butch stereotype of a masculine female. I show up on everyone’s gaydar but not on their transdar. When asked “Don’t butch lesbians just want to be men?” I said “No!” because it was the “correct” answer. Even though it wasn’t true, for me.

Coming out as transgender is different from coming out as gay. Different presumptions. When I tell you I am gay I am stating that I am sexually and romantically attracted to women. When I tell you I am trans I am stating that I don’t self-identify with my birth sex or the gender imposed upon me when I was born. Continue reading

Why We Fight

On January 14, 2014, I participated in the panel “How to ACT UP” at the New York Public Library. In keeping with the title, I unexpectedly outed myself as trans. In front of several hundred people.

March on Washington - 1987

ACT UP at the March on Washington, 1987

I spent seven years in ACT UP (The AIDS Coalition to Unleash Power). We demonstrated by marching in the streets, disrupting FDA hearings, and throwing the ashes of our loved ones over the White House fence. We were trying to save lives and the government wasn’t paying attention. The drug companies were overcharging for ineffective drugs. My buddies were dying. We were consumed with anger.

I was one of many activists who burned out. When I left ACT UP I lost contact with most of my activist friends. I went back to my normal life. I became unmoored. I was not the only member who suffered from loneliness and the loss of meaning in my life. We started talking to each other again after Spencer Cox’s death. We did not want to lose another comrade. Continue reading